As a prisoner, there are only but a few ways to leave prison before your sentence is up - getting a pardon, snitching in exchange for some time off, escaping, or dying. If you opt for dying in prison, your death certificate will read, "Escaped by Death." No Kidding!

As I was mulling this over in my own little head, it occurred to me that if a prisoner can effectively escape by "dying", wouldn't it then be possible to also escape by "dreaming"?

Hmmm....

I was desperate and willing to try almost anything (sound familiar?) to alleviate the serious and frequent panic attacks that I had started experiencing since my imprisonment. So, I started to conduct my own little experimentation with "calming the mind" through the practice of meditation.

"Meditation is the experience of the limitless nature of the mind when it ceases to be dominated by its usual mental chatter." - Dr. David Fontana, PhD

However, in order to first calm my mind, I had to first take a closer look at what was happening within my mind that was affecting how my body was reacting physically. I am not a medical doctor or guru of any sort, obviously, so I am not equipped to make any diagnosis. But according to Dr. Fontana, panic attacks, or panic disorder, as more appropriately labeled, involves the rapid onset of at least four of the symptoms listed below:

racing heart         leg weakness            sweating           jitteriness          feeling of faintness          trembling all over
chest pains           ringing in ears          feeling dizzy/lightheaded            clammy hands                  feeling "out of body"
nausea                 hot/cold flashes        choking sensation                       feeling as if you're dying or "going crazy"
dry mouth            difficulty breathing    "caffeine high" with no caffeine    

I found myself having panic attacks way more often than I could bear to handle without some intervention.  My immediate choices were for me to: (1) die of a panic attack (which I later learned, "no one has ever died of one" - whatever that meant), or (2) figure something out, Bitch.  I opted for what was behind closed door #2.

The first step in calming my mind was learning and accepting that although I felt as if I was going to die, I wasn't really going to - at least not from panic.  This freed my mind to think more calmly and rationally, and I was then able to free the breath that I was constantly and unknowingly holding in.  It took me several weeks of learning to just breath. Long, deep, slow, intentional, panic releasing and relaxation inducing breaths.

In state prison, we had a local yogi come in to teach us yoga and how to silence the mind. He started by teaching us the art of "mindfulness" - being "present" in the present - in the here and now.  Learning how to let go of yesterday's pain and regret, and the anticipation of tomorrow. 

Breathe in. One, two, three, four. Breathe out. One, two, three, four. Right now, the present, is all we have. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow may never come. Live today. Breathe. Live right now. Breathe. Calm. Breathe. Relax. Breathe. Be calm and relax. Let go. Now breathe. One, two, three, four.

Try it! Yes, you...close your eyes and just breathe!

I had to learn how to tune out all the excess thoughts and "noise" congesting my mind every waking moment of the day.  You do so by first calming and relaxing the mind, breathing in and out purposefully. Then acknowledging all these stray thoughts as they come in, and immediately letting them go. Freeing them into the universe.

For example, (sitting in comfy meditative pose) I'm breathing in, relaxing, breathing out, calming. My mind is freeing up all thought and emotion. Letting go. Letting go. Relaxing. Breathing. Yes, I know I have to go to the gym and lift weights today. Yes, I know I haven't done my squats. Breathing. Relaxing. But, it's only 9 a.m. I still have all day to do it. Calming. Yes, I know, but I release you. What? You miss your Honey Pie? Yes, I know. I do too.  Breathe. Let go. Calming. Relaxing. Don't think about him. Stop! Oh, no!!! Here comes the panic!!! F@#k!!! Ok, this isn't working. Put on your sneakers, Bitch. Let's go for a run. You can meditate then.

Meditation is not a perfect science. Years later, I'm still learning to silence the mind.  It doesn't always work perfectly, but it distracts the mind long enough to subside thoughts of death and panic. After several months of trying, and failing at reaching complete mindfulness, something remarkable happened - I found myself entranced by my thoughts, and finally felt the mental escape I had been long searching for.

It happened one night as I was meditating from my upper bunk, my eyes fixated on the bright white fluorescent security light above my head.  I discovered that by focusing on that white light, I could practice deliberate projections by putting forth all the emotional strength I could muster to reach the love of my life, my HP. 

He never confirmed whether he received my telepathic messages, but he didn't have to. Months later, I would receive all the proof that I had been looking for without having to ask.  My HP has also told me that I scare him, so I didn't dare tell him (much less ask him) about the experimentation I had been conducting from prison.

I actually scared my own self when proof of my work came to, but I tried to play it off as if it was no big deal that I knew of events happening in his life that he hadn't yet told anyone (much less me).  People get these kind of messages from dreams all the time, don't they? I don't think I fooled either one of us with this lame explanation. I couldn't very well tell him the truth. That I missed him so profoundly that I was willing him to me every night, and that somehow it was working? Can anyone say "Twilight Zone"? Weirdo!!!

It happens that these "psychic impressions "are the replaying of past traumatic or emotional events in the form of visions, dreams, voices or sounds that are caused by living human beings who are geographically separated from the person experiencing this phenomena.  These impressions occur when an urgent message needs to be conveyed to a person or loved one who is far away. These psychic messages are also common between lovers or people who are in a close relationship, but not physically/geographically close at the time of the emergency or crisis. 

Through my experimentation, I learned that we are able to will ourselves to another place and time, just by focusing our mind and directing it to where we want to go through focused meditation right before going to sleep. I have escaped prison on many occasions through the power of deliberate projections and guided dreams.  During this relaxed state, when our conscious mind is at rest, our reasoning is also at rest, making it easier for us to embrace these psychic occurrences. 

Whether or not our rational minds "believe" or "disbelieve" that it is possible to experience this, is not an issue when in this relaxed state. You don't have to be an expert anything, or hold a fancy medical degree to experience this for yourself.  Anyone can explore the power of the human consciousness. If you are interested in more scientific investigations involving the powers of the mind, you can read up on the works of the late Dr. Joseph Rhine of Duke University, Dr. Thelma S. Moss of the UCLA School of Medicine, or that of the New York Institute of Technology.

Sweet dreams, Cupcake.