This week has been focused mostly on getting myself organized for the upcoming new year. The Bikini Beach Body Workouts are still coming along just fine. The end of week four has just breezed on by. The body is a little less sore, and a lot more firm! I now look forward to jump squats and pushups! Can you believe?!? The motto for my new life is "My Body is My Billboard".
Unfortunately, the way we present to the world on the outside, determines how most people perceive us to be on the inside. For example, a tired, bloated body conveys that its' owner is typically lazy, unmotivated, and unconcerned with appearances. How can a woman claim to be a winner who has it all together, if she can't even control the most basic things in life - her "self"? The same holds true for other things - like the excessive use of alcohol, over-spending, bad relationships, drugs, etc.
Realizing that we alone hold the key to our happiness is the first step to taking control of, and changing those things in our lives that make us unhappy. Just by the simple acts of reclaiming our lives and taking responsibility for everything that "happens" to us, we can set ourselves free to chart the course for our futures - to live the lives we have always dreamed of, but were too afraid of, or too dependent on others to realize.
Prison has changed me in so many positive ways. I am definitely not the same woman I was just four short years ago. One of the greatest changes I've realized, is knowing that I am the only one responsible for where I am right now. God didn't choose for me to be here, my parents or upbringing didn't lead me to a life of crime, the risks of being a lawyer didn't see my way in here. No, none of that is to blame. I am to blame. The decisions I made (or chose not to make) are what got me into all of this mess. Now I, alone, have to live with the stigma of being a convict, a criminal, a felon.
So what does this all really mean in today's world where everyone seems to run the risk of incarceration? Well, what it doesn't mean, is that I have to sit and cry about my "bad luck", my poor decisions, the lack of a prosperous outlook for my future in the eyes of society. It means that I have to let go of the past, and focus on building the future that I envision for myself. No one else is going to do it for me. I have to remind myself that without great risk, there is no great reward. So, with that, I have started mapping out my future, beginning with the here and now.
My present looks bleak by most standards - I'm single with no prospects of finding a mate in the near future, I'm in prison, I'm broke, and my law license is suspended. So, in other words...no husband, no job, no money, and I'm still locked up. What a catch, right? Where does one go from here?
The great news is that I've hit rock bottom, and I can't possibly dig myself any deeper without the use of heavy equipment! And, since I don't own any of that, there's only one way to go from here - straight up that same path that has already been cleared once before. Now, you might be wondering why I would choose to go down that same path. Well, the key is in the phrasing. I don't choose to "go down" that same path, I choose to "go up" it. There are so many things that I have learned on the way down, that can only be useful to me on the way back up - letting the voice of experience lead the way.
Yes, it can be scary at times knowing that I have to start all over, but it's also a very exhilarating time in my life! How many people do you know of that wish they could have a different life from the one they have now? Most of us can easily fall into that category, but because of familial obligations and expectations, or the fear of failure - they can't, or they won't. Most people would rather follow the path of least resistance, than lead the life they've always dreamed of for fear of the unknown.
So here I am, a convicted felon serving out her time in federal prison camp; I'm single and unattached; have no young children to care for; no dog to feed; no one waiting for me to get out so that I can complete them; no work obligations; no deadlines; no expectations. And, suddenly, this life doesn't seem so bad after all for now. This is the ultimate in second chances to get out there and follow my dreams. Yes, I said it. MY dreams. Not the neighbors, not the mailman's, not my best friend's. Are you feeling a tinge of envy yet?
You see, life is all about perspective. Is this the worst that could have happened to me in my lifetime? No, not even close! Will I recover from this experience? Yes, absolutely! Will I be able to reclaim my life, my hopes and dreams - find someone to love, who will love me back? Of course, I will!
And it's all starting right here, right now - today. And, just as I said earlier that my body is my billboard, my mind is the vessel that leads me to this freedom and renewal.
I'm not suggesting that you go to prison to escape your life. I'm saying that it's okay to want something different for yourself...to find a way to make it happen with your freedom and good reputation intact. You start by figuring out what it is you want out of life, setting out clear and verifiable goals, and then figuring out how you are going to accomplish them, and by when.
My beautifully toned body is just one of my many goals. It's the easiest goal to accomplish while sitting here in prison doing not much else. Everything else on my list will follow. I wish for you the courage to realize your dreams, and the encouragement to never give up until you reach your goals.
"In order for you to have the things others don't, you must be willing to do the things others won't."
- Source Unknown
Until next week, dolls!
