This week, I came across this simple little passage, that changes everything in the way we see life and our circumstances - if we only choose to listen and really hear it's message.

You will not have that for which you ask, nor can you have everything you want. This is because your every request is a statement of lack, and your saying you want a thing only works to produce that precise experience - Wanting - in your reality.

The correct prayer is therefore never a prayer of supplication, but a prayer of gratitude.
                                                                     - GOD

I would love for you to take a few minutes to ponder and meditate on this when you can enjoy the time to do it quietly and uninterrupted.  I think that it has the power to change your life if you accept its truth, and have faith that it will work for you, too.

So, for example, let's take my current circumstance (being in prison), and formulate it into a prayer of gratitude.  It would sound like this...
"Thank you for the creation of this experience in my life. I am grateful for it, and know that there is a divine purpose behind it, therefore a divine presence in it. My life is a gift, and nothing exists without a reason understood and approved by You."

I also understand that nothing in life remains static. All conditions/situations/events are temporary, and I cannot change the past. Therefore, I can only control my reactions to these events. And, which way a thing changes, depends on no one else but me.

It has taken me four years to learn, really learn, and appreciate this way of thinking.  I finally am no longer concerned with worrying about who did what to land me in prison. It goes back to accepting responsibility for our choices in life. Thus, it begs not a question of FAULT, but a matter of CHOICE. What choices did I make in the past, and what choices am I going to make in the future? What choices are You going to make to ...fill in the blank. (Find happiness, get out of the rut you're in, find fulfillment, lose weight, not feel so lonely, etc.) When you realize that only YOU are responsible for your happiness, successes, failures, etc, you will learn to depend only on yourself to make you whole.  Then everyone around you (spouse, companion, children, friends...) becomes a source of pleasure and joy, because you are no longer dependent on them to fill a need. Therefore, there can be no resentment felt towards them for the things that you are lacking in your life. Follow?

At the end of the past year, I did a purging of all the people, things, wants and needs that no longer fit into my life and this new way of thinking. I feel emotionally lighter, and far happier than I've felt in many years. I have always considered myself to be a generally happy and optimistic person. Always grateful for all the blessings in my life.  But, now, I've reached a new level of thinking, that has compounded that happiness I felt before. In truth, it took me being removed from my former life for me to see how much better life can be. And, I thought I had it all back then.

As you may know from previous postings, I also let go of "the love of my life" at the end of the year. There was nothing much to let go of, as I realized I didn't have much to begin with. I also changed my way of thinking when it came to personal relationships, and the reasons why I thought I so desperately needed a man in my life. I gave all the usual and suspect reasons...I'm lonely, it would be nice to have some companionship, someone to love, etc. etc. Just when I had come to terms with, and accepted the fact that I would remain single and unattached at least for the remainder of this new year, the universe sent me a new friend. Who has a brother. Who would be perfect for me. WHAT?

Okay, so the point is, I stopped asking. I stopped WANTING. And, less than a week later, a very sweet and beautiful woman walked into my room to deliver something for my roommate, and she just so happened to ask about the guy whose photo was up on my memo board. I explained to her what once was, but no longer is, and hasn't been in years. Then she mentioned how she has a brother close to my age, divorced, highly educated, never been in trouble with the law, and is a government official in Mexico. She thought I might like him. WHAT?!? MIGHT?!?

Yes, yes... I will let you know how it goes, as always. Let's see if I will be thanking the universe after we meet.

Conversation overheard out in the yard the other day: (Okay, who am I kidding, this isn't a real prison. There is no "yard" here. More like GOSSIP overheard in the beauty salon as we were getting our pedicures done by the Vietnamese nail lady!)

Male Prison Guard: "Yeah, we are gonna have to stop selling cosmetics in the commissary."

Inmate Beauty with raspy voice and heavy New Jersey accent: "What!?! Whadda ya mean!?! Why!?!"

"Well, didn't you hear about the three inmates carrying on with those officers?"

"Yeah! So what!?! What's that gotta do with selling us cosmetics in the commissary?"

"The officers said the eyeliner made them do it."

"That's ridiculous! The eyelinah made them do it! Sheesh! Ya mean ta tell me the fact that tha inmates had a vaginah had nothing to do with it? Whadda crockashit that is!"

"Did you just say 'vagina'?"

"Yeah! I said it! VAGINA! There, I said it again! Ya mean tah tell me that if they just wore eyelinah, but didn't have a vaginah, the guards would still want tah have sex with them? Gimme a break! It's not like the vaginah wore the eyelinah!"

"I'm outta here. Have a nice day, ma'am."

Uh, yeah...that's what I thought! Don't. F#@K. With. Our. Cosmetics!!!  #prettygirlprisonproblems

Okay, so now we know to stock up on the cosmetics in case the threat's made real. 

Note to self: Forgo food. Forage foundation.

I just don't get who would want to do that to herself. What kind of sex play would that be...Cops and Convict? So not sexy! I've done enough of the strip, spread, squat and cough routine to last me a lifetime. It's no longer a fantasy...it's a way of life!

Well, I promised you an update on the introduction to the beautiful Vegas showgirl's cousin.  That was a bust! I never did go for the introduction, and she probably thought better of it. It was good in theory, however...

Here's how that conversation went: "I would love for you to meet my cousin. He's SOOO hot, you'll love him! He owns his own business, AND he has a house in paradise!"

"Oh, really? What kind of business does he have?"

"He owns a ...(insert any lucrative business here), and he makes a lot of money. Way more than enough to support himself and his kids."

"How many kids DOES he have?"

"Four...and one on the way."

=-/ Epic. Fail.

Just in case any of you are wondering...the longer you go without sex, the easier it gets to live without it, the less desperate you are for it, and the choosier you become when you do think about who you are gonna give it up to.  The same holds true for relationships of any kind - you start to re-evaluate those that you do have, in order to figure out those worth keeping, and those that are just not. In the process, you learn a lot about yourself and what's important to you. Maybe this is one of those lessons prison is meant to teach? Hmmmm...

I've learned that my old boyfriend/love of my life, probably was not really the love of my life - nor was he ever much of a boyfriend, either.  He was nothing more than a "casual" boyfriend, which meant we saw each other only when our extremely busy schedules would allow.  He, being a physician in a prestigious hospital in the D.C. area, and me, having been a successful lawyer running around doing business from coast to coast... you figure that one out. There weren't enough shuttle flights between us to satisfy what neither of us was ready for - nor really wanting from the other.  Our motto was ..."Together forever, until someone better comes along."

Of all the men I dated since, trying to find my 'someone better', only one ever presented that was actually better. Unfortunately, I was a prisoner when I met him, and he wasn't in a position to fraternize with a convict.  OF COURSE, the man of my dreams walks in in the middle of my nightmare of a life...why would it happen any other way?

I keep thinking that since I only have a few months left in here... I hafta hurry up and find me a man, so that I can focus on career when I walk out the door. But, that's only my Type "A" brain going into panic mode. I'm trying to relax and shed the wound-too-tight East Coast go-getter (for cheddar) girl mentality, and adopt a more relaxed SoCal vibe.

I'm still working on that. I'll let you know how it goes. But, let's be real...it's always been a "money over men" mentality, and that's probably not going to change just because I've been on pause these past few years. I'm going to need a man who can put up with me, AND keep up with me. He needs to be ambitious, successful, confident, generous, a go-getter (for dinero) himself...Plus all the things listed on the "no-compromise" list of my ideal man. 

I'm hoping to find me that one man who is everything I never even dreamed possible. The kind of man that'll make my list seem like a silly after thought.  But, in the meantime, I don't really NEED one. It really is crunch time for me in here.  And, let's face it, ambition is a dirty thing for a woman to have in our society.  It's almost as if we have to choose between being successful and having a man.  I think it goes without saying that I pick success over a man on any given day. That's exactly why I'm all alone in this world. (Do you see the tears streaming?) (...um, actual, I DO! I feel the burn. The burn!!!)

So, having said that, I organized my prison life last month to allow for the completion of certain goals I set for myself while I'm still locked up. Here's the list:
(1) Walk out of here with a banging body
(2) Learn a new language
(3) Continue with this Blog
(4) Network to find a Hollywood job
(5) Find a place to live in West Hollywood that takes in convicts - Must have tall, wood-beamed ceilings, wood floors, large windows, courtyard view, etc. etc.
(6) Study script writing 
(7) Write a script/book/some hit songs
(8) Place an online ad for a new man
(9) Find a new man
(10) Kiss said new man to ring in the new year (even if it IS Halloween before I find him!)

If you know of a guy I might like, a place I would like to live in W. Hollywood, a Hollywood mogul I could work for, please send info to: alexablogs2016@gmail.com.

This past holiday season has been no excuse to lay off the grueling Bikini Body Workouts (as seen in the January 2016 issue of Glamour magazine). We just wrapped up the end of the sixth week, with six more to go. I'm telling you, ladies, this workout really works!

Kayla Itsines (it-seen-ness) is the online trainer who came up with this workout plan that gives you beautiful results. You can purchase her plan at kaylaitsines.com. But, I will tell you, this is not a workout for whiney girls who complain about being fat, yet do absolutely nothing to try and lose weight so they can feel good about themselves.

So, today, I was telling my Bunkie what a great workout I just had, and how she is welcome to join our little workout group anytime she wants.  (My Bunkie is 5'2" and 197 lbs - just to give you a visual.) I'm not knocking big beautiful women, if that's their thing...but to have to hear my Bunkie complain day in, and day out about how fat she is, and then to be forced to listen to her farts and burps all day long, it can get pretty frustrating, especially for a girlie girl like me.

Her response to me was..."well, I'm okay with my big ass and tits. That I can live with. I'll just wait until I get out and do Jenny Crank. I'll drop all this weight in three months, tops!"

What!?! Well, folks, there you have it...classic case of ALL ASS, NO BRAIN!!! (And I don't mean that in a good way!)

I, on the other hand, along with a bevy of other prison beauties, do care about my body both on the inside and out.  I'll be the first to admit that I padded my curves a bit when I was in the Texas prison I just left, but now I have my A game back on and I'm bringing it! A part of me enjoyed all the delicious Mexican food, causing me to overindulge. The other part of me used it as a mechanism to make myself invisible from the guard's prying eyes and unwanted advances. More on that later. (As in, when I get out of here.)  But now that I'm in Southern California, I had to kick things up a few notches by going back to eating healthy food whenever possible, and working my butt off at the gym. I love every bit of my routine! These So Cal men better watch out!!!

Which leads me then to tell you about my official search for a man. I'm finally taking the plunge to find me a new love. One of my new friends and I sat for about an hour to formulate a list of traits and characteristics that define the "ideal man" for each of us. These are the non-negotiable qualities, that if a man doesn't possess, he needs to just keep it moving - no matter how good looking or rich he is.  Actually, I was quite surprised that "tall, dark, handsome, and rich" didn't make the cut on my list.

So, the way this works is you each sit and jot down all the things about a man you think are important to you that come to mind in one minute's time.  Then, you go down the list eliminating those things that you don't absolutely have to have, and what you are left with is the list which defines your ideal man. (Prison ways to kill time... can you tell just how bored we are?)

For example, if on your list you put down, tall, rich, handsome, great lover, honest, non-smoker - your friend will ask..."you just met this great guy, he's tall, rich, handsome. He's a great lover. He's honest, but he smokes like a chimney. Do you still want him?"  If the answer is "yes", then you mark "non-smoker" off the list, because clearly being a non-smoker is not a "must" on your search for the ideal man.

If you answer "no", then you keep "non-smoker" on the list, and continue querying until you are left with only those qualities you are unwilling to comprise on.  These are the things that would make you still want the man no matter what. Anything less, you are settling.  And, why settle when there are so many good, quality, and available men on this earth who would be more than happy to snatch you up?  Well, if nothing more, it's at least a fun way to figure out your heart's true desire.

I'm going to have to get creative in order to find me a quality man while I'm still sitting here in prison.  I keep thinking, no decent man is going to want to meet a convict woman while she's still locked up. But then, I think back to my Texas Taquito. He was an excellent choice for me, but, unfortunately, he never went past the hungry-eye flirtatious "I want you" stare stage. If only he would have been a tad bit more aggressive, I would have gladly been the hot and spicy taco topping of his life. But, I'm over that. He's so yesterday's news. (Ok, not really, but what choice do I really have?) NONE!!! It's not as if I could have jumped up and down yelling "Pick me, pick me, pick me... I'm seen-guuullll!!!" No, never would have worked. Tried that already with the old casual boyfriend/love of my life. Never again.

Ok, so I got an exclusive invitation to a holiday soiree just the other day. I found myself sitting among the desperate convict inmates of Southern California in all their botoxed beauty.  I was like, WHAT. THE. F@#k!!! If this is what I am competing with when I get out, I need to find me some black market shit...and QUICK!  Boobs, Botox, and blondes everywhere I looked. So the opposite of the not so skinny girls of the South I'm used to seeing. F@#K ME!!!!

Which then leads me to give you the latest in prison gossip. An unnamed inmate recently tested positive for non-prescription pharmaceutical use.  She allegedly claimed to have taken "Mexican diet pills".  It turns out the pills tested positive for meth. Is this the same Jenny Crank my Bunkie speaks of? How all these skinny biaotches stay skinny? Hmmmmm.... But, it's only gossip folks. What do I know?