F#@k my life, twice over! I can't help but laugh out loud at the tragic comedy that is my love life. I'm spitting out my evening cappuccino trying to suppress some serious laughter so I don't choke to death on it.

So, as it turns out, my new friend literally just walked out of my room after giving me some seriously devastating news. Well, devastating to ME. To Caitlyn Jenner...not so much. He's gay, people!!! He's gay! The hot, hot, hot...muy caliente caballero...tall, dark and handsome hottie...is gay, gay, gay!!! What the f#@k!!!

Well, to answer my previous question of "who wouldn't want a prison babe like me"...well, HE, for one, wouldn't! Absolutely, for sure, without a doubt, he wouldn't!

My friend just found out herself a few days ago when he decided to come clean with her. Well, THANK GOD! for his high level of integrity. Otherwise, we would have wasted so much time doing the mating dance with his two left feet. Bummer for me! Oh, joy for the lucky man who gets him in the end. (Just made myself laugh out loud...ugh!)

Ironically, my roommate is writing a letter to her new pen pal. His last name is Begay! Seriously, folks!?! Is this the Universe's way of inserting humor into my dire situation of being desperately single and all alone in this world?

Well, at least that explains WHY my friend hadn't moved in the direction of forcing a love connection between me and her brother. In her defense, she did finally muster up the courage to come and give me the juicy details as to why she hadn't made the introduction. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for her - to find out that her brother is gay, and that he had been hiding it all of his life. Come to think of it, I imagine that it was way more difficult for him to finally admit the truth to his family.

But, damn! He looks so good! I should have known he was too good to be true for me. An anomaly among 40-year old men. The "he works out a lot" statement should have been the first tip-off. The perfection that was his picture should have been the second. Double damn!!

Well, this brings me back to square one, with absolutely no prospects in hand. At least I did learn something from this brief experience. I learned that I would much rather be single and wait for a man, not unlike Texas Taquito, who has everything I really desire in a man - tall, dark and handsome, sexy, intelligent, educated, successful, a great physique, a great smile, beautiful teeth, strong hands, a head full of thick dark hair, dark eyes, looks sexy in a suit and tie, and equally so in denim. Ummm...why did I ever leave that man behind? Somebody please remind me.

Oh, yeah. Because I'M IN PRISON!!!

I think it's time to pull out all the stops, and just accept every introduction to all the friends, brothers, uncles, and cousins of the women here who have offered. I just have to learn to say yes! every time someone offers. Or at least a half-assed, "Sure, why not?"

This situation is so pathetic. I'm so pathetic!

At least I still have you guys to keep me company throughout the cold and lonely nights left of my incarceration. What would I do without you?

Ok, I have to admit that the thought did cross my mind for a brief instant to call the old boyfriend. But, then, I told myself, "No!No!No!No!NO!!! Don't do it!"

There is no way I could ever see him through the same rose-colored glasses as before. Certainly not after the perfection that was my Texas Taquito, or seeing the deliciousness of that Mexican hottie - even if he did turn out to be gay - he still raised the bar on the type of hotness I would much rather have. After those two, the ex-boyfriend fails to even engage the prison goggles I sometimes have to wear in order to have something decent to look at while I rot in my cell.

Well, ok...Maybe that's taking it a bit too far. It's not fair to him for me to say that. For one, I don't really live in a cell. And, for another, I'm certainly not "rotting" away in here. As a matter of fact, prison is doing a fine job of preserving me. It's really true that we walk out the same age we came in. It seems that the ageing process slows while we are in prison. I'll have to research the phenomenon when I leave here.

Ok, well, so much for all the excitement surrounding the introduction to this handsome specimen of a man. On to the next one. Sadness.